


It's Quiet Uptown

by seekrest



Series: It's Quiet Uptown [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Deathfic, Grief/Mourning, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 10:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18938896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: Tony turned back to look at the skyline… He had just wanted to see the city one last time.It had been over thirty years since Peter died. Tony was an old man now. Morgan older than Peter ever would be.Tony had wanted one last moment with his memories – one last time to imagine the boy he had loved, the boy he had lost, swinging through the city.His eyes lit up at the memory.“Not long now, Pete.”





	It's Quiet Uptown

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re new, this can be read as a stand-alone, but fair warning – it’ll make infinitely more sense if you’ve read the first three. Especially the ‘The Five People Who Missed Peter Parker the Most’ – since that one shares the details of how Peter died. 
> 
> I know, I actually wrote a world where Peter Parker died. And now in this one – so will Tony.
> 
> This really is the saddest little universe. 
> 
> I am sorry.

“Hon, you should come inside.” Pepper put a hand on his shoulder, Tony gazing out to the skyline from the balcony.

“I will, Pep. I just… just wanted to see it one more time.” Pepper gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“I’ll be right inside. Let us know when you’d like to come back in.”

Tony looked up at her, put a hand to where’s hers was, and smiled. “Always, Pep.” She smiled warmly at him. There was so much love in her eyes, only the faintest twinge of sadness.

She had aged just as gracefully as Tony had always imagined she would, the lines of her face deepened but exuding wisdom. Her long, strawberry hair long faded to a muted blond-white.

God, he was in love with her.

She gave his shoulder one final squeeze before walking back inside. Tony turned back to look at the skyline, the movable bed angled so he was in a sitting position. As he took a short breath – it was getting closer now – he was thankful that even now, the ones that he loved still humored him. Still allowed his crazy requests.

He had wanted to see the city one last time. Just one more time.

The medical team might’ve guessed it was nostalgia, one last hurrah for the man who had lived and loved the city since he was young.

But Pepper knows the truth. Morgan too.

Tony wanted one last moment with his memories – one last time to imagine the boy he had loved, the boy he had lost, swinging through the city.

His eyes, old and tired and weary, still lit up at the memory.

 _Not long now, Pete_.

* * *

Tony can still remember that moment, all those years ago – back when he first walked up to the Parker apartment – pausing as his hand was raised, about to knock, about to change his life – and the kid’s – forever.

He would go back to many moments… all intertwined, all revolving around the kid.

He would turn it over in his mind, dwell on the events that led him to that apartment door, the things that would follow.

It had been over thirty years since Peter died. Tony was an old man now. Morgan was older than Peter ever would be.

It hurt Tony. Still, all these years later. If he closed his eyes long enough, let himself drift – he was back in that moment, hand extended, mere seconds before he inserted himself into Peter Parker’s life.

He would go back to the moment when he’d learn who the kid was.

The moment he’d yelled at the kid after the ferry.

A dark room. Holding Peter as he died.

He could still taste the air, the scent of the explosives and of death never far from his memory. Could still remember the agonizing moment when Peter had stopped breathing, when the only movement Peter gave was from Tony’s shaking hands.

The wound had never recovered. It never would. But Tony was an old man now – he had many other moments to go back to.

His wedding. The little heartbeat coming from a screen.

Morgan’s birth.

He’d taken great strides to ensure that Morgan felt safe, felt loved, that she never once felt as if she was somehow a placeholder for the boy he had previously loved, that he had lost.

He’d regale her with his stories when she was young, her eyes lighting up at the stories of her big brother. Because now, as an old man, Tony had no qualms about admitting it.

Peter had been like his son.

He had lost him.

Tony grew older.

Peter never would.

* * *

He’d never expected to go out like this. Tony had faced worse in his life, always had a suspicion that he wouldn’t leave with a whisper, but a bang.

But then, Tony couldn’t have imagined that Peter Parker – a boy with all the potential, fight, and fire in the world – would die before him. Would die at sixteen.

“Feels wrong to be this old without you, kid.” Tony whispers, a smile as he looks out to the sunset. “We did it wrong, Pete. You were the one who should’ve buried me.” Tony takes a deep breath, as deep as he can manage, letting the melancholy of the moment linger.

He turns to his attendant, gives a short nod to indicate that he’s ready to head back inside.

As they wheel him back in, back to where his family was waiting for him, Tony is thankful even more so for the life he’s lived.

There may be someone missing from this moment.

But there were worse moments to live in.

* * *

Cancer.

Of all the things that Tony expected to take him out, something as _normal_ as Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma would never have crossed his mind. It’s a treatable disease, one of the few where had they caught it sooner, he could’ve beat it.

He remembered hearing the news from Cho, after months and months of losing sleep, the fevers, the nightmares.

Pepper had pushed him to get checked out, had prodded him to see – just to be safe.

But he hadn’t, he’d been through worse. Tony thought that there were worse things out there than to wake up from a restless sleep.

He’d lived through it.

By the time he finally listened, _finally_ submitted to testing, it had been too late. The cancer had spread too much, too far.

As much as it pained him to admit, there was a part of him that finally understood Peter – finally understood why the kid had never told him the truth.

Because on some level – not the same as the kid’s, Tony didn’t have his precognitive abilities – Tony knew that there was something deeper wrong with him.

Like the kid, he had ignored it, pushed away – had told no one.

And now like the kid, like Peter, he’d have to deal with the consequences.

* * *

 He had a lot more to lose now, a lot more to leave than he could have ever imagined. Morgan rushes to his side as he’s wheeled back in, silent tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, pops. How you doing?” She tries to smile, Tony reaches a hand out to her face.

“I’m fine sweetheart. How are you? Got any twos?” She laughs, wipes away some of her tears in vain. Tony softly caresses her chin with his thumb.

Morgan was his beating heart, the one he would have willingly gone to hell and back for. His precious daughter was 21, and everything within him ached at the thought of leaving her.

_Is this how it had been for you, Pete? Did you wish you had told us sooner? Do you wish you didn’t have to leave?_

“All out, daddio. But I’ll get you next time.” She smiles, genuinely now. He takes her hand into his and squeezes.

“I’ll take you upon that.”

* * *

Becoming a father had never been on Tony’s radar, nothing he had ever wanted or expected.

It changed when he had met Peter.

In the decade after his death, Tony couldn’t have imagined letting anyone in as much as Peter had. Could barely fathom even going on without him – even with Pepper. With Rhodey.

Peter’s loss had nearly been the end of him.

It had taken over a decade for Tony to get back to himself, to find a new way forward – never moving on, he could never move on from it, _he would never recover_ – but the idea of keeping the kid’s memory alive, it had sparked something new inside of him.

He and May had done great work in keeping Peter Parker’s memory alive, had done all they could to support the legacy of Spider-Man.

When Peter’s two worlds finally came together – when the world learned that Peter and Spider-Man were one in the same – it was as if Tony could finally breathe again.

He had done right by the kid. Finally, he’d done right.

Tony had resigned within himself that this would be enough, that this – keeping Peter’s memory alive – could finally be the thing that keeps him in this world.

But then a heartbeat, a flutter on a screen. Pepper’s growing belly. Morgan’s childish babbling.

Being Morgan’s father was the best thing he had ever been, his proudest accomplishment – second only to marrying Pepper, to holding Peter.

They’d played so many games in her growing up, make-believe and tea parties. Go Fish had been her favorite card game growing up, one that even now – years and years later – he loved to tease her about.

As he holds his daughter’s hand, taking in her features – the very best of both him and Pep – the thought of Peter is never far from his mind.

He’d lost Peter. And yet Peter had opened up his heart for Morgan.

He’d always be thankful for that.

* * *

“You want anything, Tones?”

“Shot of vodka?”

Rhodey gives him a look and Tony shrugs. “Worth a try.”

A sadness passes through his eyes, James searching Tony’s. “That bad? The pain? I can probably get them to up the dosage.” Tony shakes his head, a hand placed on his old friend’s.

“Just a joke, sourpatch. You think you’d get my humor by now.” Tony smiles but Rhodey doesn’t.

“I do Tony. But you don’t have to joke about this.” Tony’s smiles falters for just a bit before lightly tapping Rhodes’ hand.

“I’m fine, Rhodes. Just glad you’re here.”

Rhodey nods, a solemn look on his face.

“I always will be, Tony.” Tony looks at him, eyes watering.

“I know.”

* * *

Rhodey had been there. That night. What Ned had called ‘the worst day’.

And it was. The worst day. The worst day of Tony Stark’s life.

He was beyond grateful that Rhodey had been there when he couldn’t, had had the presence of mind to act and ensure Peter’s identity was safe, even when he couldn’t.

It would be years later before he apologized to Rhodey, thanked him for doing the impossible in an unimaginable situation.

“You don’t have to thank me, Tony. It had to be done.” But Tony had been insistent, placing his hands on Rhodey’s shoulders.

“It did. And I should’ve been the one to do it… but you did, Rhodes. Thank you.”

James’ eyes had been clear, searching. Him and Pepper, Happy too – all looking out for Tony, always making sure that he kept himself alive.

Tony had never thanked him for that, an acknowledgement for all that they had done to keep him safe. He may not have had a great family growing up, may not have had the best parents, but the way they looked after him – watched out for him in a way he still didn’t feel worthy of – had formed a greater bond than blood ever would.

“I mean it, Rhodey. James.” Rhodey brings Tony into a hug.

“Of course, Tony. Of course.”

* * *

They didn’t have a strong timeline of when Tony would pass. Doctors said it could be any day now. Tony could feel it.

In the quiet moments, when Pepper had slipped in and out, while Morgan slept, Tony’s mind wandered.

He’d forgiven the kid a long time ago for never telling him what he had known, what he had felt. Had long forgiven himself for not picking up on it.

But now, living his own twisted version of what the kid has surely gone through, Tony wished more than ever he could talk to him.

_I wish I had known, Peter. For so many reasons, but mainly for this._

_You were too young to wrestle with your mortality. You were too young to be so aware, to go so bravely to your own death._

_Did you know then, when you met Alan? That that had been it? Did your senses ever give you peace?_

_I still see your face, kid, always – I see your face. The joy when you had dismantled that bomb… your face lit up like it was Christmas._

_God, I still wish I could’ve known what I know now. I couldn’t save you – I know that – but I would’ve held you sooner. Would’ve tried to reassure you, would’ve done and said so much more for you, Pete._

Tony knew he couldn’t blame himself, knew he couldn’t dwell on the past. As a father, there are so many things now he wishes he could’ve done for Peter. So many things he would’ve done things differently.

If he couldn’t have saved Peter, he still wishes he could’ve done more to have comforted him.

But then, as Morgan shifts in the recliner by his bedside and Tony watches, the sadness drapes over him.

Had it not been for Peter – he’s not sure if he would’ve known what he does now.

He would never compare himself to May – especially now, having a child of his own.

But losing Peter had been just like losing his child – a child he had never expected, had never wanted, had never dreamed.

Peter’s loss had devastated him.

And yet, it also changed him.

The bedtime stories. The tea parties. Helping with homework. The fights over curfew. Moving her into college.

All of it, every minute of how he approached parenting Morgan – it would not have been possible had it not been for Peter. Would not have been possible had he not lost him.  

It was a bittersweet pill, one that he wished with everything within him had not been true.

He often wondered if Morgan ever secretly resented Peter, had wished he had been brave enough to ask. He hated the idea, both of Morgan hating Peter but also of Morgan feeling unworthy, of comparing herself to a ghost that was long gone.

Tony was all too familiar with that particular brand of pain.

And then one day, his question was answered.

* * *

It was another day in his room, Tony’s breathing becoming more and more labored. It had been a bad night, Pepper hadn’t slept. His eyes were closed, drifting in and out of a restless sleep. He could hear Morgan and Pepper whispering.

“Mom, you really should get some sleep.”

“I’m fine, baby. I’ll be fine.” Tony could feel Pepper’s hand threading through his hair. It was gray now, still full. He may be dying of cancer, but he was glad that when he left – he’d still have a full head of hair. Especially since Rhodey had lost his years ago.

“Dr. Owen said that he’s stable, that he’ll be okay tonight.” Morgan is trying to argue with her mother but Tony – if he could will himself enough awake – would tell her what he had learned decades before.

There was no arguing with Virginia Potts-Stark. Not when her mind was already made up.

“That may be true, but I’m still going to be here. I’m fine, Morgan. We’ll be fine.”

Tony doesn’t hear anything for a few minutes, some shuffling. He almost drifts off again when he hears Morgan’s voice, smaller than it had been in years.

“Was this how it was like? Back then… with Peter?” Pepper’s hands stop. Tony’s too far under to wake up, but he can still listen… fading in and out.

He doesn’t hear Pepper’s response, but he hears Morgan’s reply.

“I’m going to miss him so much, mom.” He can hear her cry. Tony tries to wake himself up fully, wishes he could get up and hug his not so little girl, kiss away the pain like he had so many times when she was growing up. But the doctors had given him a sedative, something to help him with the pain as he rested.

He can hear Pepper’s soft murmuring, thankful that she could soothe their girl while he couldn’t. Before he drifts into a dreamless sleep, he hears Morgan one more time.

“At least he’ll be with Peter. I’m really glad that Peter will be there for him when he leaves.”

* * *

Tony wondered if that would be true.

The afterlife. The beyond.

He used to think more about it… back when Peter had first died. When Tony had been hell bent on joining him.

It had been agonizing, _pure agony_ , to live in a world without Peter. Tony didn’t understand it, couldn’t make sense of a time, or place, or universe where he could continuously wake up and Peter would not.

It had taken years for Tony to move forward – never on, could never move on – but forward with his life. Pepper and Rhodey. Morgan. They had all helped.

And then eventually, over a decade later – so had Steve.

“You know Rogers, I still think the serum is bullshit. Come on tell me, what’s your secret? Pilates?”

Steve laughs, leans down so he’s resting on the railing at the end of Tony’s bed.

It’s a good day. Tony slept for a few hours last night. Morgan had finally been successful in her attempt to get her mother to eat, both of them now in some other room.

It was inconvenient, dying. Messy. He wished the doctors had a better fucking timetable then _soon_. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so dramatic, like he was dragging on the inevitable for his family.

Peter may not have had enough time, but Tony had more than he knew what to do with it.

The blessing – if it could be called that – was that at least he had the chance to say goodbye to people. It felt almost morbid, the comings and goings of the people in his life who came by, everyone knowing that their meetings would likely be their last.

Nat had stayed longer than he anticipated. Bruce even longer.

But Steve. Steve hadn’t left the penthouse – kept vigil even when Tony had long told him to go home.

“You don’t have to stay Steve. It’s fine. I’ll be okay.” Steve seems to consider this, Tony watching as his old friend thinks.

The years have been kind to Steve, much kinder than they had been to Tony. The old resentment, nurtured when he was young, was gone now. Even the betrayal – the sharp and sudden removal of Steve Rogers from his life – any anger was long gone.

He had lost Peter. Tony imagined that there wasn’t anything worse than that.

Hate was corrosive. He hadn’t carried it with him in the years after Peter died.

When Steve showed up again – when the news of who Peter had really been was finally made public – Tony could recognize how guilty Steve had been.

He shouldn’t have been. Tony didn’t hold it against him, Tony had never called.

But even now, as he tried to dismiss Steve – not unkindly, not because of anger, but almost to spare him – he could see the look in Steve’s eyes.

Steve wouldn’t be leaving Tony again.

“Well if you’re gonna hang around, then you could at least let some light in. The darkness is killing me. Literally. I’m dying over here.”

“Ha, ha. Alright, give me a sec.” Steve goes to open the blinds a bit, the soft light now streaming in. Tony winces.

“Too much?”

“Nah, it’s… it’s good. Nice to see the world still churning, still moving right along.” Steve nods.

“It’s not going to be the same without you, Tony.”

Tony gives a short laugh.

“I could’ve told you that. You’ll never replace me, Rogers.” Steve goes to sit by Tony’s bedside, leans forward in the lounge chair. He looks at Tony.

“You scared?”

Tony considers this, looking up at the ceiling.

“Nah… been through worse. Dying… seems like just another step to take.” His face turns into a soft grin. “Besides, maybe I’ll get to see the kid.”

Steve is silent for a minute, long enough for Tony’s eyes to go back to him. He seems lost in thought, then speaks.

“You know, I used to be a big believer in the afterlife. Believer in a lot of things.”

“I’m aware, sparkle pants. Truth, justice, and the American way right?” Steve laughs, seemingly despite himself.

“Yeah, it’s been a long couple of years.”

“It’s been a long life, Rogers.” Something changes in Steve’s expression. Regret, a sorrow deeper than Tony can fathom.

It hits him then, that Steve has done this before – has done this many times before. Steve was a man outside of time, his own life prolonged by the serum still running through his veins. How many people – friends, loved ones – had he buried in his long life? How many more would he?

A surge of empathy flows through Tony, even now – when he was the one whose life was ending.

“But you know, I’d like to think there is something after all of this. Something beyond the both of us.” Steve looks up at Tony, a smile on his face before he continues. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes, but Tony doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t know what’s next for you, Tony. But I hope – whatever there is – that the kid will be there too.”

Tony smiles.

“Me too, Steve. Me too.”

* * *

It’s the end now. Tony could feel it.

His breathing is labored, shorter and quicker. He recognizes this for what it is, can feel it as his body works harder than it has in months.

After days of complaining of death taking its sweet time to get here, he’s now suddenly struck with much he wants to stay.

_Not yet, kid. Not yet. I’m not ready yet._

But it is too late. The pain of it, the end, it is only barely soothed by the medication, by the soft murmuring and cries of his wife and daughter beside him.

“It’s okay, Tony. We’ll be okay.” Pepper pushes his hair back, he tries to smile. Beautiful, even then – even as the tears fall freely down her face.

“It’s okay. You can rest now.” She kisses his forehead and Tony wishes he had more strength. But it is too late now. He can feel it. The darkness closing in.

“Pops.” He looks over to Morgan.

His beautiful child. His daughter.

The light of his life.

She’s crying, and Tony wishes he could hold her. Wishes that he could stop the pain that she will undoubtedly carry with her for the rest of his life. As heart-wrenching as this moment is for Tony, it’s his last moments – the very last – he can’t help but feel thankful, that for once – it was as it should be.

It was a terrible thing to lose a parent, for a child to bury their father.

But it was unfathomable, impossible, unimaginable – for a father to bury their child.

He had already done that once. Even as the light faded out of him, he was grateful that he would not have to do that again.

For once, life was going as it should be.

His breath, his body, he’s shaking. Not long now.

He looks to his wife, his beautiful baby girl, and then upwards.

He looks up, eyes focused and yet unseeing, as he’s surrounded by the ones he loves most in this world – while also dreaming of another.

Tony lived a good life, as well and as full as he ever could’ve dreamed. He wasn’t sure what was next – if there even was a next. But if Steve was right – God, he hopes he was – maybe Peter would be there.

As he holds his wife’s and daughter’s hands, feels himself start to let go, a small tear slips out of the corner of his eye.

He hated to leave them. Hated that it was finally his time.

But then, he might see the kid.

Maybe Peter was there. Maybe Peter would be waiting for him.

His kid.

Peter.

It had been so long. _So_ , so long.

Peter could be waiting for him.

Tony smiled at the thought.

Breathed his last.

_Can’t wait._

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not crying, you are. 
> 
> Kidding, I’m crying. I cried so hard writing this chapter. 
> 
> I wrote the “Five People Who Missed Peter Parker the Most” in a whirlwind of a week, my first fic ever and the first thing I’ve written creatively in over a decade. It was the most cathartic experience ever, with both the sequel and the companion one-shot serving as additions to what has become such a deeply moving and personally fulfilling thing to write. 
> 
> Made even more so in reading how much it has affected all of you. 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with me in this terribly sad journey, for this terribly sad little universe. If you can take any joy in a universe which has a major character death, I’ve found it with all of you. 
> 
> There is life after loss. And I hope that no matter what you believe – that you can rest in knowing there is hope for tomorrow. 
> 
> Thank you all for your kindness. Until next time. Come find me on [tumblr](http://seek-rest.tumblr.com)!


End file.
